From Lonely to Legendary: The Chapters That Shape You

Ever feel like your growth journey has left you stranded on an island of solitude? We all know the sting of watching our social circles shift as we evolve, and it doesn't mean we're looking down on anyone—it's just that our paths have diverged. Join Chad Trease and Lacey Moores as they unpack the "lonely chapter" of personal development, where the discomfort of isolation becomes the fertile ground for transformation. We unravel how embracing these lonely moments is crucial for becoming who we're meant to be.

Navigating the wilderness of personal growth isn't easy, but it can lead to profound self-discovery and authenticity. We reflect on how solitude, and even boredom, can ignite creativity and innovation—particularly in children. It's not about maintaining an inauthentic life to please others but about finding joy and purpose in your own company. This episode is your guide to understanding that these lonely chapters are temporary yet essential, leading you to a more fulfilled and genuine version of yourself. Ready to find power in your solitude? Let's explore this transformative journey together.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Lonely Chapter in Personal Growth
• 11:27 Embracing Growth Through Loneliness

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome back everybody to the Secret Sauce Podcast. I'm Chad Treese here with Lacey Moores, and if you have ever experienced, as you're on a personal growth journey, if you're moving out of one stage of who you're at into another, a little bit of loneliness in that, as you're starting to separate from who you were into, who you're becoming, and maybe people don't support that the way that you thought that they would if you've experienced that, this episode is for you. This is the Secret Sauce Podcast with Chad Treese and Lacey Moores, where we want to help people build big businesses and live big lives, and we think that there's not a magic bullet for doing that, but there is a secret sauce.

Speaker 1: 0:40

So a lot of these are going to be just the ingredients that can help you make up a secret sauce to build a big business and live a big life. Let's get into it. So this week we're talking about something that is a newer concept for me. I mean, I've never heard it actually like explained a certain way. I've gone through it, but I've never actually been able to put a word to it or put a phrase to it. And I came across this Alex Ramosi talks about it, chris Williamson talks about it, but it's a whole concept of they call it the lonely chapter, and I wanted to dive into that a little bit. Is that something? Have you ever heard that terminology before?

Speaker 2: 1:19

I never heard it until you started talking about it, and I'm actually super excited about this because when you started explaining it, I think a lot of people who have been in a growth mode or worked on um bettering themselves have felt this at some time, but never really knew that it was a thing right, you know, and that we could categorize it or even prepare people for it. I think that's what's the beautiful piece of what you're going to teach today is preparing people for something that's going to happen. So let's talk about what it is.

Speaker 1: 1:50

They call it the lonely chapter. I actually would probably make it plural because I think this is probably going to happen multiple times in your life. If you're on a personal mastery or personal growth, personal development path, once you start going down that path, chances are you're not going to be like become this next version of yourself and then just quit. It becomes kind of addictive to continue to evolve and see what more can I do Exactly?

Speaker 1: 2:12

And so I think this will probably happen multiple times in your life, and so what I want to do is lay out what it is and then also how to potentially deal with that, how to overcome it. And the whole concept of the lonely chapter is just as you do begin to grow and become this next version of yourself, you're going to start to feel a little isolated from the group that you used to hang with. You know, the people that were your crew at one point in time will start to feel not so much your crew anymore. You're not going to feel like you have as much in common, because that version of you was built on different values, right and um. So it can start to get pretty lonely because you haven't found those that your new crew yet.

Speaker 1: 2:56

Um, but you know that you're not necessarily fitting in with your old crew and they're going to try to bring you back. They're going to be like hey, where, where did the old you go? Like that was who we liked, and uh. So that's the whole concept of the lonely chapter, the lonely chapters and um. I just think it's really important to talk a little bit about um. I, I've kind of gone. I've gone through it. I'm going through it a little bit.

Speaker 2: 3:20

Yeah, explain that right now, make it real.

Speaker 1: 3:23

Um well, I mean, you know, there's friends that I had that were in my life. I think people this kind of goes in line with the whole concept that people come in your life for a reason or for a season yeah, you got it and um it's. It's not to downplay the value that those people had in your lives, but it it's very rare that you're going to be with the exact same friend group or your crew you know for from when you're high school, college age, to death.

Speaker 2: 3:55

Right.

Speaker 1: 3:55

Right, like it does change. There's people that do experience that. I think it's super rare and I'm a little jealous of it, but I think also, like, okay, did they maybe not grow enough to to evolve to a point where maybe they didn't feel as comfortable around that person as they did? And it took a long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I'm. I wasn't like, I didn't feel as comfortable with the same crew anymore, the same group of people, and I was like, uh, do they think that I think that I'm better than them, which was never the case, right? Um, it wasn't. It wasn't about that, it just like my goals were different. And they say that you're, you know, the combination of the five people that you hang around most. So I knew that was no longer serving myself to continue to hang with that group If my values were, my North Star was kind of pointed in a different direction than theirs. Yeah, it's natural, right? Well?

Speaker 2: 4:50

when you just said do they think I'm better than them, or what you know?

Speaker 1: 4:55

Do they think that I think that I'm better than them? Right, right or the world.

Speaker 2: 4:59

Let's just say the world thinks, you know, says that, or sometimes what I'll call it, is your little voice. You know the little voice that is inside of you that lies and tells you all the things that are not truth, but that will just continue. And that's the lies, right? That just because you don't hang out with them anymore, or like you made the example of, you know, maybe you used to go to the bar all the time and now you know you're on this self-mastery and you want to get better and you don't want to be hanging out at the bar all the time. It doesn't make you better than that person because you're not at the bar at all anymore, but you're removing that obstacle to make yourself better.

Speaker 2: 5:36

But the lies, those are the little man voice that's telling you you think you're better, you think that you're better than them, and I think that's an important piece to recognize that. You know, I had somebody come in my life a long time ago who said, literally just stop and say is that a truth or is it a lie? Yeah, and I'm trying to teach my kids at a very young age to be able to decipher. If something, if they say something, where is that coming from?

Speaker 1: 6:02

Is that a?

Speaker 2: 6:03

truth or is it a lie? Yeah, and right there and it's, it's a hundred percent lie. Um, you wanting to better yourself, chad? It doesn't make you better than them. It doesn't make you as a person. But those are the lies that you're going to hear, and sometimes people speak them right, Like very clearly. And that is what makes you lonely? And is what? What creates this lonely chapter?

Speaker 1: 6:23

well, it was going to be my next point, so I'm glad you mentioned it. But, yes, there's gonna be a piece of it that's in your mind, but there is going to be a piece of it that is very much real, sure, and, um, it is, the most isolating thing is that, um, you will get pushback from those people and they're like in that bar example, you know they're like hey, you know, why aren't you coming to the bar anymore?

Speaker 1: 6:44

why you don't think you think you're too good for you know the boys or or whatever, and they don't understand the journey that you're on, like once I, as an entrepreneur it's. It's kind of lonely to be an entrepreneur anyway. So I think that this is something that, whether it's your quest for personal mastery or growth or whatever, is one thing, but you're also an entrepreneur and you're trying to build something.

Speaker 1: 7:05

So, you're trying to build this version of yourself, but you're also trying to build this big business, right. And as you're doing that, if you've got people in your group that don't understand that, if they're working a nine to five, there's nothing wrong with that five, there's nothing wrong with that. But if they're not building something, if they're not a builder, then they're not going to understand how obsessive you have to be to build something super meaningful and worthwhile and you are going to obsess over that. And so I think that in and of itself, and then there's value in surrounding yourself with other entrepreneurs as well, but you're going to get pushback from them. They're going to try to pull you back. You can try to lift them up with you, but if that's not their goal, if they're not trying to build a big business, it's you're going to clash right A little bit right.

Speaker 1: 7:49

So it does become really lonely as you're doing that, and it's okay, like it kind of sucks being lonely, but you also have to tune out the noise of uh. I was talking to a new, a new friend the other day, uh, on this kind of topic. It kind of came up. It's kind of a roundabout way of talking about this topic. But, um, she was telling me, uh and I'm not going to say who it is cause I didn't get permission in advance, but she'll probably know it when she hears this if she listens to it but she was telling me that as she became more and more successful and would post her successes you know, celebrate her wins and stuff on social media, that the people that she thought were her tribe weren't celebrating that they weren't.

Speaker 1: 8:31

They were kind of like even trying to tear it down a little bit behind her back and she was really caught off guard by that. She was really caught off guard by that. And that's the really kind of lonely and isolating pieces when you find out that the people that you thought were you know your champions and your, your, your people, that they're they're.

Speaker 2: 8:50

They're not supporting it.

Speaker 1: 8:51

They want you to be this old version of yourself and they don't like this version. And, uh, like I had gone through that and I and I just reminded her like that, like I had gone through that and I and I just reminded her, like that's not a reflection of you, that's a reflection of them. They're in, they're a little intimidated, typically, by your success because she was willing to do the work to do that and that what they see in her is the version of them that they weren't willing to become, they weren't willing to put in the work, they weren't willing to obsess over the things to get that level of success. So it's not a, it's not an attack on her. It's literally it's a personal thing for them.

Speaker 1: 9:27

Yep Insecurity it's huge insecurity that manifests itself that way and that pushes you into that lonely chapter real fast, because now you're like, well, I don't want to be around them anymore. Right, but you haven't figured out who you want to be around yet, or you haven't learned enough to be around the people that you want to be around. I find that a lot too, and it's maybe a little bit of my imposter syndrome sometimes, but I'm like man. I want to be. There's times when I'm around Todd and Robin and stuff, and I'm like man. What am I doing in this room?

Speaker 2: 9:54

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:55

You know Um been super accepting and everything they like lift me up. But I mean, there's times where you're like I don't belong here, but I know I don't belong there either, where I used to be. So you're in this in-between, like limbo or purgatory stage that you're trying to figure out who your people are. Yep, you know.

Speaker 2: 10:13

And sometimes that stage. Let me ask you this like do you feel like that stage can be different, for different things can last different timeframes, sometimes it can be longer new, your new core group.

Speaker 1: 10:40

Uh, it's going to last as long as it takes. Uh, because you can't force the, otherwise it's fake.

Speaker 2: 10:42

You're developing this like fake new core group of people I think it's such a big piece to for the listeners to hear. Um, I remember when I came to this company um that were for now the owner said listen, this is going to be awful. Listen, this is going to be awful For 90 days it's going to be awful. And then, after 90 days, it's going to get better. And so, even though it was awful and it was getting everything going and getting everything back to what we were used to, it was awful. But because I knew about that stage, because I knew about what was going to come, it made it so much easier to go through because every time I had an issue, I could tell myself oh yeah, I'm not there yet, I'm not 90 days. So when you talk about this, I just see how helpful this lonely chapter like can be to somebody when they're going through it. Ah, chad said something about this.

Speaker 1: 11:35

Just knowing that it's going to happen, this is going to happen.

Speaker 2: 11:38

And I'll come out of it. It's just a stage or a season. It's not forever, but this is part of what happens. As you're finding yourself and you're growing and you're figuring out, you know who you want to be around and who's going to help you and encourage you and not pull you down. I just think it's a great piece.

Speaker 1: 11:58

Yeah, I think that hit hit it right on the head with where, like just acknowledging, that was the reason that I wanted to do this podcast and have this topic because I didn't know, like when I first was going through it. I'm like really trying to figure out what's going on. Who, who is this? Okay, like, is this growth? Okay, do should I go back to that? What was comfortable?

Speaker 2: 12:19

that group right exactly, um.

Speaker 1: 12:21

And then man, is this pain worth it? You know, is the isolation and loneliness of this worth it of what's going to come out on the other side? Uh, and I would say it definitely is like you just got to know that, that it is going to happen. It is natural. If it doesn't happen, you're probably not growing enough and yeah, when you're going through that growth it can feel a little scary because you're separating from people you used to be around and who you used to be.

Speaker 2: 12:46

Right.

Speaker 1: 12:46

Right the thoughts you used to have.

Speaker 2: 12:48

It's just a season, though it's just a season.

Speaker 1: 12:51

Yeah, and, and, knowing that what comes out on the other side is 100% worth it and like if we don't grow as humans, like the human experience. If we're not growing, people say, if you're not growing.

Speaker 2: 13:01

You're dying.

Speaker 1: 13:04

Like, yeah, but that's like that hustle and grind culture too, right, but it's just like man. It gives you a whole lot more energy and focus and like love for yourself, of like as you're evolving and becoming this different version of yourself, it is natural like man. How boring would it be to be the same person your entire life and never, never grow, never be around different people, never go?

Speaker 2: 13:26

see different places, learn new things, yeah, um figure out what you're capable of so just knowing that growth is is a change is is a total normal thing and not pushing against that I love that change as you start to change. I love it. I think it's great. It's a great piece of advice and I think it's great for people just to know it's. It's not going to last forever, but it's something that you're going to go through and it's normal.

Speaker 1: 13:50

And I would. Yeah, I mean, I think now that I'm, now that I know more about it, I would like kind of leave it at this and then, uh, we can close this thing out. But I kind of enjoy it now, like now that I know what it is. Um, I mean, I don't enjoy loneliness, but the whole concept of being at peace, like being by myself, and not feeling like I need to appease anybody else. I don't need to be a version of myself that maybe doesn't feel right to me. You know, so I'm, I'm. I would prefer to be in that lonely space versus pretending to be something that I'm not anymore.

Speaker 1: 14:26

It's an inauthentic to who I am Right. So like I find myself being much more willing to like stay home and work on my business, work on building this big business and this big life, living a big life than I do going and being that version of myself that I used to be.

Speaker 2: 14:41

Let me tell you something really quick. Let me tell you this real quick I went to a class for kids in screen sanity and what iPads and phones and everything do to kids, but one piece of it. So this is where you're at, I think, when you say that there's one piece of it that says, like, like, our kids don't know how to be bored, they don't. And how good boredom is for us. Okay, Boredom sometimes would say is lonely, right, or so kind of the same thing. But she explained that when kids have boredom it's when their brains get into hyper creative mode.

Speaker 1: 15:20

Mm-hmm create.

Speaker 2: 15:23

Like all the creativity comes out in a place of boredom and I thought about this as I'm sitting there, because my oldest is 13. And when he has, when he's grounded or when he doesn't have access to the games or the you know, any of the screens, he'll resort quickly to building Legos. And he is unbelievably impressive with building Legos and the things that he creates, or he will go to still. He still plays with toys, and I'm not meaning like playing with toys, but like he'll set up fortresses, you know, in the whole basement. Just have all.

Speaker 2: 15:54

Like it's so creative totally and and what I and I get to see who he is in that boredom piece, like I get to see his brain and all this stuff. So when you said you're starting to enjoy that loneliness, like it just all clicked, like it's because of the boredom. It's because that's when your creativity actually starts spurring. So what a great piece of advice to leave with people, that when you're lonely or when you're in that place, this could be really good. Yeah, lean into it.

Speaker 1: 16:26

Like you said, that you get to see that side of him, but like the huge, powerful piece of it, uh, as he gets to see, he gets to spend time with that version of himself, like that's not just like distracted, and always like appeasing other people. He's doing this thing. That is making him grow and expressing himself a different way, and there's such huge value in that that we don't tap into.

Speaker 1: 16:48

I'm tapping into it in my 40s. I didn't tap into it when I was young, so helping kids tap into that a whole lot younger is pretty darn valuable, it's good. So I wrote something to close this out because I knew I just couldn't as eloquently on the fly say it.

Speaker 2: 17:04

So I apologize. No read it, who cares?

Speaker 1: 17:09

Growth is a journey that often comes with a cost, and sometimes that cost is outgrowing the people or places that once felt like home. It's not easy to lose old connections, and it's natural to feel pulled between your desire to evolve and the comfort of what's familiar. But remember staying small to keep others comfortable doesn't serve you or them. True friends will cheer you on, even if your growth makes them reflect on their own lives, and for those who don't, it's okay to let them go with gratitude for the role that they played in your story. Keep climbing, keep dreaming and surround yourself with people who celebrate your heights instead of wishing you stayed grounded as you rise. You might feel lonely at times, but the view from the top is worth it, and new, like-minded connections will always meet you along the way. Let's leave it there. Leave it there.

Speaker 2: 18:03

That's so good.

Speaker 1: 18:04

I hope this impacted you guys. I hope it struck a chord. If you have any questions about it I love talking about this stuff Reach out and we'll see you next time.